Usually I only write about things that make me happy, or at least I try to. But today this is very difficult. Having lived in Brussels for almost 6 years, I love my city. It's my home, the centre of my life, the place where I live and work and what happened today makes me sad. Sad and angry.
Sad for the loss of lives - people that could be my friends, colleauges, or family. It hurts my heart to think of those that have been injured and the families of the victims whose lives have changed from one day to the other to take such a horrible turn.
Sad also for what this means for our city: increased security, a feeling of fear and suspicion between neighbours and fellow Brusseleirs, the negative image in the international media. And also sad that this will probably increase the xenophobia and racism towards refugees, muslims, and immigrants in general.
Angry that there are people who think that violence will bring any kind of solution or make them achieve their goals; the contempt for other peoples' lives and humanity in general. But also angry about how these events are used in the media to increase their profits, creating panic and showing an exaggerated picture of the situation and of our city.
Of course there are many feelings involved and I'm sure anyone who has been in London on July 7 2005, in Paris on 13 November 2016, or in Madrid on 11 March 2004 or in any other place that has been targeted in this kind of terror attack can relate. We already had our first taste of this last November when Brussels went into "lockdown" for the first time.
One feeling that I don't have, is fear. I don't WANT to start worrying and limit myself in what I do or think because of a threat which is of course real but also impossible to avoid or mitigate by something I do. Has the increased security and military presence in Brussels since November stopped the attacks today? No. Could I have stopped going to work, shopping, meeting friends in cafés, using hte public ransport system? No.
For now I don't have much of a choice and I'm staying at home, trying to work remotely. But I really hope that Brussels can soon get back to "business as usual", of course without forgetting the victims and their familities who won't have the luxury to move on that easily. But still looking forward instead of withdrawing and isolating ourselves even more, becoming also victims of our own fear.
